Here we are, squarely in month 7 of Jamie’s young life. So much has happened since the last post, and I’m feeling very “sorry not sorry” for the lack of updating here. When I (begrudgingly) went back to work my days got infinitely shorter. We’re now up at about 5:30 in the morning, feeding Jamie by 6:00, then off to daycare by 7:15. We’re working 8 hours, then it’s back to daycare and home by 6:00, when we feed Jamie again, try to cook dinner, and then there’s one more feeding before bed. A short hour later we do a quick pumping session (yes, it’s still unbearably awkward) and then it’s off to sleep before starting it all over again. Needless to say, the last four months have been a total blur.
To pick up where we left off, we had Jamie’s lip tie corrected in March while Matt’s parents were here for a visit. After it was corrected he started eating like a champ, becoming the most efficient nurser I’ve ever heard of. He can “eat” for less than 10 minutes total and take in a full meal. It’s a blessing, truly, to have him eat so quickly. But there is a downside to it: sometimes he eats too much and it causes all kinds of reflux, gas, indigestion… so there really is no “winning” in this whole nursing situation! While running the risk of turning this into a breastfeeding blog, the whole thing has been such a dramatic roller coaster of ups and downs. Every day I think to myself “I could keep doing this for another few months, no problem!” Then I head to work and pump it up three times a day, and I think to myself “Damn, formula would be SO MUCH EASIER.” But for now we’re going strong. The plan currently is to wean him before the end of the year, so we may need to do formula for a month or so. But at the same time we haven’t dealt with teeth yet (although they are coming - more on that, later!) so we’ll take it a day at a time.
But anyway, the last six weeks of leave were gone in a flash. Jamie started eating and sleeping better, and got himself onto a great schedule. Going back to work was potentially the worst thing ever. For starters, the environment I returned to wasn’t family-friendly, not even a little. Within the first two days of being back I had my work ethic questioned, when I informed my boss that I’d need to take pumping breaks during the day (disregard the fact that I am LEGALLY allowed to take that time) and that I’d be working 8:30-4:30 due to my daycare schedule. I try to take each day as a “this too shall pass” experience, but searching for work has been incredibly draining. I had one phone interview, and then two in-person interviews, neither of which came to anything. I applied for “dream jobs” at the Brewers Association and the Denver Center for Performing Arts, but didn’t even get a call for either of those. Each day is a little harder, but I keep little Jamie in my mind all day. I’ve just got to do it for now so that I can provide for him, and someday there will be something else.
Jamie has become a little person - it’s alarming to see just how much he’s grown and changed in these last 29 weeks. Sometimes at night when I’m holding him I think about how I used to be able to hold him comfortably with one arm, and now I have to support him with both. Yes, he is still definitely little. He’s only in the 2nd percentile for weight (35th for length!) but in comparison to how he was in his newborn stage he’s really grown like a weed. He’s got hair now, which is growing in in random patches. As I mentioned it definitely came in blonder. It’s actually got a hint of strawberry coloring, which if it stays will be one thing he gets from my side of the family. He looks just like my husband, it’s terrifying. His little eyes continue to get bluer and bluer. Anytime anyone meets him that is the first comment we hear: “Oh my gosh, look at how blue his eyes are!” They truly are beautiful.
His little personality, albeit somewhat temperamental, is starting to come through. He’s a baby of extremes. He can turn on a dime and lose his temper in a flash. When he’s hungry, he’s HANGRY. When he’s tired, he is TARRED. He doesn’t half-ass anything, that’s for sure. And it’s really been one thing after another with him. Once we got the lip tie situation figured out he got much better… for like a week. Then we dealt with the gas, indigestion, and tummy troubles of his overeating. He eventually went on reflux medication and I started cutting everything from my diet in an attempt to keep him from being in pain. But since we were in Minnesota in June and I got deathly ill one day I decided to adopt a very strict “CTFD” mentality about everything. I spoke with a lactation consultant about it all after our trip, and she basically said “Look, he’s almost 6 months old. At this point you need to be healthy and eating in order for him to be healthy and eating.” I weighed less then than I had since middle school. I looked sick, and I knew that I wasn’t providing Jamie with everything he needed. So we introduced everything, right down to the dairy. And you know, he was fine. He has some spitty-uppy moments but overall he’s doing great. It was definitely one of those “stop freaking out” moments.
Every week something new seems to come up with Jamie that requires thought and attention. After all his eating issues subsided, at least for the most part, we started teething. This poor kid crams everything he can into his poor little mouth. It’s finally hit a head this week, and we’ve had a few nights of inconsolable screaming and crying. Nothing is more heartbreaking. The other night we were in his room, ready for bed, post-nursing, and he was just beside himself. So, I put one hand on his cheek and nuzzled my face next to him, shushing him and rocking him, doing anything I could to make him feel better. Eventually he got so tired that he just fell asleep. I wish those damn little teeth would just cut through already. He’s also started rolling, which is awesome, except when he rolls over in his crib at night and can’t get back over. He’ll wake up so mad and start crying, so I’ll have to go into his room and flip him over onto his back again. I’m waiting for him to start crawling, which I think will actually happen soon. He’s been trying so hard to be mobile. I’m also hoping he starts sitting on his own soon. We also started solids not too long ago, which was humbling. Jamie did not seem a fan of avocado, but seems to like sweet potatoes. He’s not really eating them necessarily, but he keeps it on his tongue and swallows some while the rest ends up all over the front of him. It’s been really adorable to watch him learn - he watches us eat, and when I put the spoonful of food close to this mouth he opens up wide and closes down on the spoon. He’s just growing up so fast… I can’t believe he’ll be 7 months old already this month.
We keep talking about all the things we want for him, which is both exciting and terrifying all at the same time. We’ve always talked about the “big stuff” with him, like hoping he’s book smart like me and street smart like Dad, that he doesn’t get Dad’s temper or my impatience, but now we talk about smaller stuff, too. His hair is ever so slightly strawberry blonde, which is exciting for me. He’s got one crazy little curl too, which fuels my hope that he’ll have curly hair like I do. Matt noticed a few nights ago, while letting the little teething monster chew on his finger, that his bottom jaw protruded a little - and when there’s a significant underbite issue in the family history it certainly makes a parent nervous. I’m also hoping he’ll grow out of all these digestive issues he’s had since birth. I remember talking to my mom a few weeks ago and saying “I just want to know who this little man is, and I’m just so impatient waiting to find out more about him!” It’s kind of a bizarre feeling. He is, already, such a strong personality but I know there is more to come. What will his voice sound like? Will he be an artist or an athlete, or both? Will he be shy or outgoing, introverted or extroverted? I just want to know these things NOW, and I hate having to wait to find out.
We also worry a lot about providing the best we can for him. I know we will do as much as we possibly can to give him everything, but truthfully we won’t be able to afford the private preschools or early-ed programs. We may not be able to afford putting him in different sports or other activities. I look at his small collection of toys, hoping we have things that will help him learn and grow and set him up for success. It’s hard not to worry about the “things” and worry more about our interactions with him. At the very least he gets a lot of love, lots of snuggles and kisses and hugs. When I’m cooking dinner I try to tell him what I’m doing - not because he can understand it, but in hopes he’ll learn as he gets older. We have such a long list of hopes and wants for him. It's such a crazy feeling to watch him grow. It's all going so fast, but at the same time is going to slowly.
It's definitely been an adventure.
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