I feel very good about my classes and think I'll get A's in both. I found all the information to be interesting and I feel more comfortable in my choice to pursue marketing. I'm currently leaning toward a public relations focus, and am taking a PR class over the summer. I've also contacted a new Fine Arts Center in Lone Tree, about 10 miles from here, regarding a potential internship a year from now. Unfortunately, until then, it's a retail life for me. I am still at BBW and actually enjoy it for the most part, but it's still retail and tiring and the pay is so much lower than I like. But the people I work with are friendly and it is kind of nice to go to work for a few hours and go home without a second thought. The stressful part is living off the student loans. Knowing that I'm taking out way more than I want to and that it'll all need to be repaid makes me nervous and raises the stakes on the return to school.
In other news Matt is away this week in California for work. He was very excited to go, but it has been a bit strange that he's away and I'm at home alone. Normally he's the one staying home while I go to MN or when I used to go away to conventions for work. I can't even remember the last time we were apart for so long. It's been really weird being home alone all day, but I have to admit it made schoolwork a lot easier! Not that Matt's a distraction, but when he's home it's much more enjoyable to sit and watch TV with him than to sit and read textbooks. I'm also taking advantage of the alone time to deep clean the house. We haven't done a lot more than basic light cleaning since we moved in, so it's long overdue to do the vacuuming and bathroom cleaning and so on. I'm also going to try for a movie date with a girlfriend, hoping the timing all works out.
I've also started a summer project, which is going very well. I'm taking all my random recipes in recipe boxes, printed from the internet, scrawled on notebook paper, and favorites from the 15+ cookbooks I own and am compiling them into a personalized cookbook. Then I'll be able to take those cookbooks to the used bookstore or to Goodwill and clear out some space in my cabinet. The long-term goal is to also incorporate all my great-grandma's recipes I received when she died almost 5 years ago, but hers are so numerous that it may take a long time to transcribe those. A lot of hers also have "old-fashioned" ingredients like lard, which I find so amusing. For some reason it creates this mental image of my sweet little grandmother carrying a 10 lb can of "LARD" into her kitchen and scooping it into a mixing bowl. But I suppose over a year or so I could go through hers and see what all is there, and if I can get them transcribed I can pass them along to other members of my family. In fact, I'll start a tag for it: grandma's recipes, just in case anyone is curious as I start completing them.
Along those lines I'm about 5 lbs from my goal weight, and god, those 5 lbs are being resilient. I've been slacking a bit lately though, too, so I guess I'm equally to blame. I want to be done dieting - the measuring and the food tracking and all that, mainly because I feel I know how much I can eat. I've developed an actual love of vegetables. I've found that, when cooked properly, nose-turning veggies like beets and asparagus are so yummy. I really feel like I've made a lifestyle change more than an eating change. I've tried adhering to the half-quarter-quarter rule on an everyday basis (half-plate veggies, quarter starch and quarter protein) and I allow myself a splurge once in a while to satisfy cravings. I've really started enjoying cooking; I'd LOVE to take a cooking class - my friend Megan took one that was just "basics of cooking" like how to make sauces, how to tell when your steaks are cooked, etc. and I was totally jealous.
I'm pretty confident I won't get too lazy once I hit 115. It's still hard to look in the mirror and recognize the changes. I mean, in total I will have lost about 30 lbs but my shape still isn't what I want it to be. In order to get the shape I need to get more exercise, so I may need to borrow Angela's fitness center at her apartment complex so I can get in shape. I'm a bit worried about being really weak now more so than being at a goal weight. Between being in physical therapy for my back (which seems to be doing better, though I have my days and moments that are still really bad) and my legs feeling like they're going to give out under me when I go down flights of stairs... it's a little freaky actually. In a perfect world I'd love to get into yoga, which was my original plan months ago, but when the yoga studio charges almost $100/month for their classes it's just not feasible. At any rate I've got to do something to build my muscles now that the number on the scale is where I want it to be.
I've been feeling a little melodramatic about my upcoming birthday. I'm turning 27 in less than a month and can't help but be a little depressed looking at it. I feel like there is so much more I wanted to have accomplished by now that I just feel like a failure. But at the same time I'm much more optimistic, having planned my classes and realizing I should be done with my degree in 2 years. I just wish I could rewind time and start this journey four years ago.
I'm also a little nervous about my birthday because I'd like to have a party, and based on my previous birthday festivities I'm just worried a party this year will be an epic failure as in the past. But I'm thinking this year of having one of those "I'll be at this place at this time on this date, come join if you want" instead of an actual "here's an invitation to my birthday celebration." I guess we'll see what happens. I'm thinking dueling piano bar!
Oh, I didn't even mention. Forgetting it'd been a month since my last post I never mentioned that Matt and I were rear-ended at the end of March. We were both fine (Matt had a sprained neck and wrist, I was riding shotgun so I didn't see it coming) and we got our bumpers replaced thanks to the other guy's insurance. Our Subaru now looks and runs almost like new, and my hope is that we won't need to pay for any other issues with the car. In less than a year we've had to pour about $2500 into that car and it better be done now for awhile.
I've also been secretly hoping and dreaming about my Dream House... I've been entering every day and will let you all know if we win it. I always like to believe something amazing will happen to us someday and I'd be totally okay with it being this house. Sigh... it's just exactly what I want. It's eco-friendly and is designed EXACTLY to my taste, minus the hot pink girl's room. Fingers and toes crossed, people!
I've been reading Michael J. Fox's book Always Looking Up it's pretty much a great book. I've got to credit it to my better mood as of late. He's incredibly inspiring and I highly recommend the book to everyone.
But I suppose that's all for now... seeing as I'm just rambling on about nothing. I promise to try posting again soon and not waiting a whole month again...
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