Rough and Tumble

I started the day by rolling out of bed, getting dressed, immediately leashing Ozzie and taking him outside. It lead to success, as he did both duties and happily came back inside. He and Mirabelle were then fed, and then it was time for our morning nap.

I called The Curtis about the sales job and found it'd been filled a few days ago, and I can't help but feel a bit defeated. I knew it was a possibility, as the job had been posted over two weeks ago, but I guess I was hoping this would all be very easily solved... lose a job on August 20, begin a new one on August 30. I also read through all my unemployment paperwork and junk, and registered on the Colorado Workforce website, and am a little saddened by the provision that I take any job offered to me. So far the only jobs up on my site are two in Blackhawk (over an hour from here) and one in the southwest corner of the state. I am overwhelmed by the idea that, if someone offers me a job sitting in a cubicle and filing paperwork that I HAVE to take it. This bout of bad luck, this roadblock in my life, was supposed to be a silver-lining. It was supposed to be an opportunity for me to soul search and find something I want to do. I could only bring myself to job search for an hour or so today... I just got too depressed about it.

To make matters worse I had to go back to my former office to pick up my final pay stub and drop off my iPhone. It was hard just to be there, to see my former co-workers and feel like a complete failure. Luckily neither of my bosses were there so it was a little less awkward, but it was still hard. I did get some more free coffee out of the deal, so hopefully all is not lost. More than being upset about being unemployed I am upset about losing all those wonderful people, and I hope that I can reconnect with them someday.

I came home from my excursion minus one cell phone (and one cell number, as it is currently being ported onto my cheapo phone) and feeling rough. I hate open endings, I hate not knowing what is going on or where I am going. I just want to know what the hell is going on in my life, for once, and not be so uneasy.

I'm a little scared about my beer date tonight with my girlfriend, as I will need to try to control my emotions. We are going to a restaurant that is actually an account I used to have at my former job. The owners know me (and like me, I hope) but that will probably make it more difficult. Either I will have to tell them about my recent unemployment or they already know and will pity me. Either way I am just hoping to keep my composure and have a relatively good time.

And I'm wearing heels.