Same Shit, Different Day

Well, the end of the semester has come and all went well. I got an A- in each of my classes, and while I wish they'd been A's I can't complain. It was my first semester back into an academic setting and it was hard to motivate myself to get back into the swing of things. I'm hoping this summer's class goes as well (it's an intensive summer course, which starts at 7:30 am, oh lord!) and that I continue staying on top of it all.

In the meantime I've tried throwing myself into work, trying to get as many hours as possible, but it's just not going very well. I have our budget set based on working 20 hours a week, and next week I'm only scheduled for 7 with another 8 or so in call-ins (shifts that aren't actually scheduled, but you have to call an hour before and see if you're needed). I don't know why the hours are so scarce but I'm hoping to talk to my manager about it, otherwise I will probably have to get another or a new job. I thought about going back to Caribou but I wouldn't be able to take the light rail anymore.

I decided a couple weeks ago that I am going to actively try to drive less, and it's been going pretty well. I just realized that I get so angry when I'm driving and it ruins my whole day, so now I'm either doing the bus-train-ride or driving the 1.5 miles to the train station. It's been a lot less stressful and we've saved quite a bit in gas, which has been helpful too.

Anyway, I'm going to see how things go and hopefully I'll get some more hours. If not, I guess it's back to the job search.

I've been thinking a lot about the future, about what to do after I graduate, and I think I'm going to throw fate into the mix: I hope to apply for jobs around the country (except the south!) and move wherever the best job is. I've just realized in the last few months that there's really nothing left here for me. The last 4 years have been so awful, and so little "good" has happened, and I'm sick of it. Angela's talking about applying for med schools in a few different places so she may not be here much longer, and I just don't know what could really keep me here unless I get an amazing job, like at the Denver Center or with the Avalanche. Matt and I had a pretty good talk the other day and we both agree that it'll be the best option and opportunity to make a better start for us.

I turn 27 on Tuesday (you know, should that whole apocalypse thing doesn't come through) and I'm totally depressed about it. This year's birthday party ended up exactly like the party two years ago (though this time it was preventable!) and I just can't take it anymore. No more birthdays! I'm giving up on parties. I'm so tired of being let down and feeling like I don't matter to anyone. So, on Tuesday Matt and I are having dinner, alone, and instead of a party tonight as originally planned I saw a movie with Angela. I keep going back and forth between being upset and pissed off about it all.

It's not that I feel old, but I feel behind. I feel like I had a lot of goals set for 27 and haven't accomplished them, and I get really down about it. I don't want to postpone my dreams or goals anymore, but we just can't afford those things yet. I know it sounds depressing, and I know there are a lot of people in the same boat, but it's still hard to deal with. I'm ready to move on with my life and I can't, I feel stuck in time.

But I suppose that's about it for now. I want to grab a midnight-snack (starving!) and get ready for bed. I've been working on a new political post which I'll hopefully get written in the next few days, so beware and skip over that one if you are so inclined. Until then, I'll count down the minutes to my birthday, or the apocalypse, whichever comes first.