Mind the Gap

Hello dear friends,

As many of you know, I'm currently studying abroad in London.  I was planning to keep a "personal" blog along with the "school" blog, but that isn't going to work at all.  I've been so busy this week already and am not going to be able to write both.  So, for now, if you don't have my travel blog website, you can visit it here: http://courtneyinlondon.wordpress.com

I'll pick up the "regular" posting again when I get home!  Until then, enjoy!

Be Kind

Several weeks ago I was messing around online, killing time, and stumbled upon a quote that has really stuck out in my brain throughout the last few days: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

This week in Colorado government has been turbulent.  With a civil unions bill on the floor, with the possibility of passing, Republicans held it hostage - folding their arms and stomping their feet, throwing a temper tantrum like a bunch of toddlers.  The bill, along with 30 others, was "killed."  So, the governor wrote a well-crafted letter to his fellow politicians letting them know that they'd be called back to a special session to give these 30 bills a chance to pass.  Long story short, the bill was killed again in the special session with a vote along party lines, including a Republican father of a gay son.  Another bill killed in the special session was one creating a legal limit for driving while stoned - "medical" marijuana is legal in Colorado, but we have no limitations on use.  One that was passed?  A city-wide ban on "camping," which has essentially criminalized homelessness.

Now, I'm not going to get fired up.  I like to think that everyone who reads this knows where I stand on the issue of gay rights and gay marriage, but if you don't: I'm all for it.  My dear cousin is gay, many of my friends are gay.  And there are some days when I get incredibly angry.  When North Carolina passed their "definition of marriage" law last week I got really emotional.  The civil unions bill in Colorado was very important to me, and I was so angry and disappointed to see the political game-playing.  I get so tired and so apathetic of politics sometimes, and other times I desperately want to do more, to get involved and try to make a difference.

However, I keep coming back to this quote, and I can't help but wonder how things would be different if everyone kept that idea in the forefront of their lives.  "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."  To me, it goes back to the key ideas of many religious beliefs of treating others as you'd like to be treated, loving others unconditionally, and taking care of your fellow man.  And for the life of me I can't figure out why "religious" people are so adamantly and angrily against gay marriage.  I know the argument can go around in circles for forever, but I desperately try to understand why it's even an issue.  Another quote I hear a lot on the issue?  "Don't like gay marriage?  Don't get one."  Why must we all be so concerned with other people's lives, when what they are doing is not hurting me in any way.  "But gay people hurt my kids!"  How?  I know, there are millions of arguments, and it all comes down to personal belief.  It's as bad as the chicken-and-the-egg argument.  Who cares if gay people are married, living together, raising kids... why should anyone else care?  Do people care that I married a guy 5 years older than me?  Does anyone care that I lived with my husband well before we were married?  And if you do care, why does it matter?

I used to be very religious.  So much so that, when I was in high school, I visited Luther Seminary in the Twin Cities as a prospective student and considered being a minister.  I dropped that aspiration primarily due to gay rights.  I remember having a conversation with someone about my gay friends, and "what would happen" to them, and I could not reconcile my personal ideas with the religious beliefs.  And it was a struggle, going through that time of my life.

I guess I just can't wrap my head around why someone can care about limiting someone's rights so much. The Republican party is always hailed as the party of "small government," when they are trying to limit human rights for gays, women, and minorities.  And tonight I'm not angry about it.  I'm just tired and confused.  I don't understand how civil unions and gay marriage undermine anyone else's lives.  I don't get it.

I know it'd never happen, but I'd be completely in support of "marriage" being a religious joining and a "civil union" being a legal joining.  Why not completely separate it, if that is the problem of this situation? Let's do as we've always talked about and completely separate the church from the state.  I'd happily have a "civil union" with my husband, as we never married within a church and neither of us are particularly religious.  But would that help the situation, or does any of it even matter?

Like I said, I'm not angry tonight... I'm trying to just rationalize everything happening around me.  But I'm challenging myself  to live up to this quote, and challenging those around me to do the same: we are all trying to survive.  For some of us, that means graduating and getting a job we love.  For others, it's getting a job period.  For others, it's making enough money to buy food.  We are all struggling, we are all doing what we can to get through.  And despite our differences, we are all doing the best we can in this moment, and we all deserve a little kindness.

This is a major challenge, but it's one I'm going to try to incorporate into my daily life, as much as I can.

Now I think I need another tattoo.

The Song

In case there was any curiosity, the inspiration for my blog, and my next tattoo, and one of the things that's helped me get through the last two years is this song.  Originally performed by Colin Hay, it was featured on the TV show "Scrubs," which I love.  It's a beautifully understated wonderful song.

And just for fun, here's a Wordle image of it!

Closing the Chapter

THANK GOD, the semester is finally coming to a close.  As I mentioned last time, this semester has been overly challenging due to the lack of time for, you know, EVERYTHING.  But tonight's my last final of the semester, and I'm hoping for another A- average as I've had every semester since starting just over a year ago.

It's weird thinking back to the drama that accompanied a re-entry into academics.  I remember the months - MONTHS - of soul-searching, trying to decide what to study, where to go, what to do... and even when I entered the classroom in January last year I was still unsure of my choice.  Hell, I'm still unsure!  But I remember settling back into academics relatively easily.  It wasn't until I started overloading my plate with internships and part-time jobs that the going got harder.  But even so, looking at everything I've accomplished, I can't help but be proud.  Somehow I was able to pull it together and, contrary to what I intended, will be graduating in December this year, rather than May next year as I'd originally thought.

Up until a few weeks ago I had completely dismissed the idea of walking at graduation in December.  First, my parents weren't able to come, and we'd compensated with a family Christmas planned for the following week in MN.  Second, remembering my undergraduate commencement and how anti-climactic it was, I just wasn't too interested in wasting several hours of my time, spending the money on a robe and hat, and listening to people droll on and on about post-graduate life.  However, I got to thinking about it the other day, and my thoughts on it have changed.

It's been a shit year... no, it's been a shit almost-two-years.  We've been through a lot, we've struggled, we've cried, we've stressed... and by God I should celebrate.  I guess I just woke up one day and realized that, if I don't walk at graduation, I'm simply taking my piece of paper as if nothing special has happened.  But no, we've been through a lot.  And in a way graduation will provide closure to the last two shit years.  It will hopefully end a chapter of our lives that has been incredibly negative and depressing, and will hopefully begin a new chapter.  That new chapter holds many new opportunities and experiences: the "Grow Up" chapter, the part of the story where life gets better, where we are able to support ourselves, where we can buy a house, start a family, have good-paying jobs we actually enjoy.  And I have to acknowledge that change.  If I don't, then what has this time been worth?  This is the moment we've been waiting for: waiting for my real life to begin.

I know, it all seems very over-dramatic. And maybe it is. But there's symbolism here, there's meaning, and it can't be treated as just another moment.  It's got to be a big deal, or else the last two years have meant nothing, and the future will mean nothing also.

So there's that.  December 15, 2012, Colorado Convention Center, I'll walk across that stage and take my Masters in Marketing degree, and I'll close on this chapter of my life and venture into the future with a renewed sense of being. 

Hell, maybe we'll even start a new book.

So, where were we?

Yes, it really is me, signing on again to give a much needed update into the trials and tribulations of life in Colorado.

Things have been, surprisingly, improving over the last 9 months or so.  I've been busy.  No, busy doesn't even begin to describe my life.  Try "insane," or "manic," or "overwhelming."  But they have been getting progressively better, and all things are finally starting to fall into place.  Now we just need to cross our fingers and hope there are no more potholes on this road.

Last time you tuned in I was buried deep into many different commitments.  Last semester I had just started at my (crappy) retail job as a supervisor, boasting a better wage and more consistent hours.  I had also started interning at the Denver Art Museum, which was fantastic.  I made some great connections and learned a lot, which is exactly what you're supposed to do during an internship, so all in all it was very successful. The semester kicked my ass, though.  I was working every day, either at the Art Museum or at the retail job, meaning there were no days off except for the random few I'd request off for special occasions.  Between those two commitments there was also classes: two nights a week with homework, papers, tests, and projects to tackle.  The semester flew by, and I felt as though I didn't sleep at all in those few months.  But I upheld my solid A- average somehow and when the semester was finally over I was finally able to exhale.

Unfortunately, winter break from school wasn't enough to offset the crazy schedule I'd made for myself.  As soon as classes were over I went from working 25 hours a week in retail to nearly 40, as the holiday season was upon us.  And, because I'm kind of a sucker and hate to leave people hanging, I volunteered to stay on at the Art Museum a couple times a week through the break.  Once again, I plowed through without many days off, counting on the post-Christmas slow-down to give me some time off.  Of course, life isn't that kind, and due to someone quitting at the retail job I was kept at near full-time status right up until the beginning of the spring semester.

I wish I could remember all the fun things that happened during the fall, but they are all jumbled in my brain.  I do remember the Jimmy Buffett concert I attended with Angela: I'd somehow been lucky enough to win tickets through a social media contest.  I was heartbroken, but totally understanding, that my dad wasn't able to fly out on such short notice (I found out I'd won less than 24 hours before the show).  But the show was great, and I still can't believe I actually won something!!  I've always had the worst luck.  I also barely saw my husband, which was really difficult.  We tried to make time for each other, and found ourselves squeezing in a dinner date every once in a while, but it was so hard to get through without him.  I remember taking a quick evening trip to New Belgium in Fort Collins to meet up with a friend and her husband who I haven't seen since college.  But beyond that all I remember is work, intern, class...

When the spring semester was on the horizon I was getting anxious.  I was planning to do what I'd done in previous semesters, and take my "class days" off from work, and one other "floating" day off.  This meant that I'd have a day off, with no other engagements, and two days off for homework and class.  There was a light at the end of the tunnel!  Soon I'd be able to rest, relax, get some work done, and would be able to breathe again.  But, as it usually is with me, something else landed in my lap.

(Sidebar: I never mean for these rants to sound upsetting - all the opportunities that have come my way this year have been amazing for me and for my future - please know that all this ranting is really positive!)

In November I'd interviewed for a part-time job working for the Business School as a marketing coordinator.  I was planning to take it to replace the retail job, as it'd last through mid-May.  It'd mean weekends and evenings off.  The pay wasn't great, but I was willing to take the hit to get out of the retail job.  Unfortunately, I didn't get the job, so I just went along as I'd been doing before.  However, just as I'd started the new semester, I got an email from the Marketing Director at the school.  The other student they'd hired had quit to take a full-time job elsewhere, and since they still had a contract for a graduate assistant through May and I'd been the second choice she asked if I'd like to come on board.

It was a little debacle.  It was the spring semester, and my internship at DAM was over, and I was seriously looking forward to having my days off.  However, it'd be the first marketing job I'd add to my résumé.  And while it was part-time and it wouldn't allow me to quit the retail job, it was too good an opportunity to pass up.  So, once again, I went into a crazy schedule.  No days off - ever.  I worked Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday at the Business School; I worked Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at the retail job.  I had class two nights a week, and the associated homework to go with those classes.  It was pretty much the same as it was in the fall... and I was exhausted every day.  No time for my husband, no time for friends, hardly enough time for homework, no time for yoga... I really didn't have time for anything, and our apartment got disgusting, and all I wanted was to curl up on my couch in my PJs for an entire day.  Unfortunately I drank... a lot... I mean, not "get wasted and pass out every night" but that one beer at the end of the day to unwind.

But the job really turned out to be a good opportunity.  My boss owns her own marketing consulting business and pretty much everyone in town - between her and my boss at the Art Museum I had a connection to almost anywhere I wanted to work.  I have been learning a lot, too, and have been perfecting my copywriting and PR skills.  And it turned into an even bigger opportunity.  A couple weeks ago my boss at the Business School sent me a posting for a paid summer internship with a local marketing agency.  Within a few days I'd applied, interviewed, and been offered the position.  The internship paid about the same hourly wage as the retail job and would last at least through August (though more likely through the end of the school year/my graduation) but would be a full-time, M-F job. Regular hours, WHAT?!  Weekends off, WHAT?!?!  I had to hop on the opportunity, and accepted the job.  I started last Friday, and my last day in retail is next Saturday.

So, at least for now, it appears that my job situation has greatly improved.  The new job/internship may prove to be the biggest opportunity of them all, as it is currently a two-person show and has the potential to turn into a full-time "real job" if I work hard enough.  It's all a little scary, but exciting too, and we'll just have to wait and see what happens now.

But wait, there's more!  I also found out that I was accepted to the study abroad program for May this year, so for three weeks I'll be studying in London.  I'm so excited I can hardly stand it, but I'm a little nervous too.  I've only been abroad once, and never on my own, so it'll be interesting.  The course fulfills my Sports and Entertainment Management requirement, so we are going to several sporting arenas, seeing The King's Speech and meeting the producer of the show, and seeing a few sporting events.  In addition, because of my job at the Business School, I'll be keeping a travel blog... AND getting paid for it!  So watch out, I'll be doubly posting to this blog so all three of you can read about my adventures :)

And... there's still more, but not anything super important... at least not anything that sticks out in my head.  But I swear, more blogging will happen this summer... promise!  Between the trip to London and the new job I'm hoping to have some exciting stuff to talk about... and hopefully not all of it will be as depressing as it's been in the last 17 months.

THERE!  Consider yourselves updated!

Coming Soon...

An update.

No, seriously, I mean it!

Stop laughing, it's gonna happen!!

Expect something long and rambling early next week.

Sincerely,

Courtney

Radio Silence

Forgive the recent, and forthcoming, radio silence. Here's my current schedule:

Monday: Internship at Denver Art Museum (yes, I'll someday write and tell you all about it) 10:00 am till 4:00 pm. Class from 5:00 to 9:15 pm. (Add an hour each way for public transit)

Tuesday: Work. 8 hours at some point during the day. Homework during the rest.

Wednesday: Internship 10-4, class 5:00-6:15. Again, public transit.

Thursday: Internship 9-3. Homework homework homework.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday: Work work work. 24 hours total. Homework somewhere in there.

So, as you can see, there is little free time to be blogging and doing other silly things. But I have Friday and Sunday off this week (mostly for my sanity and partly for Matt's birthday and our party) so I'll give a spoiler alert then about what's been going on.

I'm happy to have the internship... it's going to be an amazing experience and it'll look DAM good on a resume (yes, I meant to do that). Considering that someday there's a dream to work in marketing at a large theater company... it pretty much goes hand in hand. I'm also making great connections and am learning a lot. I just wish I had time to... you know, eat. Sleep. Go grocery shopping. Clean... the list goes on. But I'm grateful. Work is okay. I was promoted to permanent sales lead with a nice little raise, but it's still retail with its retail challenges and frustrations. I'd roll the dice and try to get a paid internship every semester from now till graduation, but lord knows my luck, I'd probably be up shit creek. I'm not taking any more gambles with this crap. I took a chance to do something I loved for a company I loved and it fucked my life... not happening again. Sorry, mini-rant.

I haven't hardly had time to think... it's just go go go go go all day every day. I'm looking forward to mid-December, once all the projects and papers and tests and internships are done and I spend that first day in front of the fireplace, wrapped up in a blanket and still in my PJs at 3:00 in the afternoon, watching mindless TV and doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

But until then, you'll have to forgive me... I'll probably see you in December!