You know that feeling when you begin to panic, and your limbs go numb and your heart starts to race? And you feel like you're losing your breath even though you're still taking deep breaths? When I opened the envelope I read that I wasn't receiving any sort of unemployment funds because I voluntarily quit my last two jobs. When you file a claim for unemployment it backtracks your income to determine your unemployment funds, and in doing so it actually figures well before your actual separation date. For example, I lost my job in August, so it calculated from March 2010 through September 2009. Since I was only employed for 5 months before being laid off it wasn't considered in my claim. So, after doing some quick math, I realized that we would be completely screwed after next week. I've been trying to reach someone in their office for two days now with no luck, and I'm insanely frustrated and terrified.
Of course, this revelation came as we were driving to the airport to pick up my parents for their weekend visit.
We had a good time; I always worry that my parents will be bored when they come visit, and I think it is because on our family vacations as kids we used to GO GO GO GO every day. We'd leave grandma's house at 10 in the morning and wouldn't get back till 10 at night. But we did some very fun things, like touring the New Belgium Brewery and, of course, the Great American Beer Festival. I was bummed because Matt had to work all weekend, but we still had a good time. The hardest part for me was eating out every night! I love going to different restaurants but it was impossible to stay on my diet. Luckily we did a lot of walking, too, so hopefully things aren't as bad as expected (I haven't been brave enough to weigh myself yet!). I'm always happy to see my folks and always have a bout of homesickness when they leave.
On Monday night when we were driving my folks back to the hotel the Subaru started acting up; it was almost as if it wasn't getting any gas. Matt would push on the gas pedal and it wouldn't go. Yesterday, when Matt was coming home from work, the car actually died because of this problem. We've got high hopes that a dose of fuel injection cleaner will fix the problem, but if not we're thinking it'll be another fuel pump (which we just replaced on the Beetle earlier this year). Go figure: it's our third strike. First was me losing my job, obviously. Second: the "exhausted" unemployment claim. Third: another car malfunction. The difference this time is that there is no money in a savings account, barely any available on the credit cards, and no clue what we'll do if the Subaru needs something expensive. We're still talking about selling the Beetle (and I will, more than likely, buy a scooter in the spring or summer next year), but it'll depend on the payoff letter I'm expecting tomorrow. If I can sell it for high enough to cover the payoff and have a thousand or two extra I'd feel a lot more comfortable. At least then we could afford to fix whatever is broken in the Subaru.
We did get a very subtle silver lining at Ozzie's vet appointment yesterday: I can't remember if I mentioned or not, but we were very concerned about Ozzie's canine teeth not falling out and a large red lump that suddenly appeared (then quadrupled in size) on Ozzie's upper lip. We've had our share of dachshund woes (Mirabelle had surgery last year to the tune of about $600) so we were expecting the worst. Luckily at his visit the vet did a quick biopsy of the lump and it turned out to be a histiocytoma: a large, ugly red bump that will, thankfully, go away on its own. The downside is that it'll take between one and three months, but it won't need to be surgically removed. As for his canines the vet pulled a little and reassured me that they too will come out very soon on their own. In fact, he lost one sometime in the last 24 hours! I was so happy to hear that we wouldn't need to worry about these extra financial stresses that I almost hugged the vet!
I haven't heard back from the vet clinic regarding their receptionist job, and since she'd wanted to fill the position by Monday I'm assuming they chose a different applicant. I have to have some faith though; as I mentioned, I've been applying for a lot of retail seasonal jobs. I figure it's the best route right now. Even though the pay won't be nearly as high, I could potentially take two part-time jobs until after the holidays. I've applied at both Petsmart and Petco, along with a handful of hotels all over the metro area, but haven't heard anything. Today, however, I took Matt to the mall and dropped an application at Bath and Body Works. I then got in my car to stop at Old Navy across the street when my phone rang; it was the gal from B&BW I'd given my resume to, and she was calling me for an interview! So I am going down for that on Friday afternoon. My trip to Old Navy was somewhat fruitful as well: the gal I spoke with suggested I apply for the Logistics Associate position, as it was a position that was "definitely hiring." The position works from 5 am till 8:30 am, so it'd be a job I could easily do in addition to another part-time job. No, working two jobs isn't ideal, but it'd be best for now.
Between all the beers I had over the weekend with my folks I may have had a revelation about school, and I think this may be the final decision about it all. I've been trying to reconcile the ideas of financial stability and feeling like I'm doing something worthwhile and enjoyable. But I've also been pigeon-holing myself into these jobs and worrying about things so much. The financial stability is so incredibly important to us (I mean, look at the last five years of our life together and tell me you wouldn't want a ton of money, too!), and I came to realize that a Marketing degree would give me the widest variety of options for a future career. Sure, maybe I will only mildly enjoy marketing... but what if it lead me to marketing for the Denver Center Theater? Or the American Humane Society? Or the Colorado Avalanche? It seems that, if I decide to become a school counselor or get an MPA for non-profit management or whatever else I've been thinking of I will be stuck doing that one thing. With a marketing degree I can work for a number of different organizations and could potentially work for a company that I really love or believe strongly in. It really was a strong realization for me, and I actually feel more confident about it than I have in a long time. I've got to believe that a Masters in Marketing will provide me with the financial stability I want and the flexibility to work in a variety of places where I'd feel like I was making a difference or doing something I love.
I'm still trying to stay positive, as much as I can, and I know that things in the coming weeks will be even harder than they have been in the last month. I'm trying to roll with the punches and stay calm... and it's been incredibly difficult. But somewhere there's a light at the end of an insanely long tunnel, and we're getting there... slowly.
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